What is beyond trust?

Any time I hear someone say “trust me” I get just a tiny bit skeptical.

It registers for me as “I’m trying to persuade you but my argument isn’t solid enough on its own so I’m turning to peer pressure to convince you.”

That’s not so trustable.

There are many things where an argument and persuasion are not possible. How do I trust that I am on the right path, for example. I can believe that I am. I can have confidence that I am. But trust leaves room for doubt.

When it comes to walking my highest path in this lifetime, I don’t trust trust.

I know I am.

Knowing is the ultimate form of conviction. Knowing is what trust hopes to be one day when it grows up. Knowing removes all uncertainty and doubt.

I know with every cell in my body that I am on the right path for me. There is a complete and unshakable certainty that this is absolute truth. I don’t need to trust that. I know.

How do I have this knowing that this is the my path? Well, that is a thought for another day.

Why is perspective such a big deal?

I’m about to blow your mind with some facts from the animal kingdom.

Humans are trichromatic: we have 3 different types of photoreceptors in our eyes. We believe that this corresponds to being able to see red, green and blue, and from those 3 we are able to see millions of different colors.

Enter the mantis shrimp.

The mantis shrimp has SIXTEEN different types of photoreceptors, and we don’t even really know what that means. Sure, it can see colors that humans can’t. And. The mantis shrimp can also see ultraviolet light, polarized light, circularly polarized light, and I’m sure things we can’t quite comprehend yet.

We’re over here with our 3 photoreceptors thinking we’re so perceptive. Ha!

My favorite exercise on perspective involves 2 people facing each other. Put a paper in between them and ask them to read the number that they see on the paper. Person A responds “5” and Person B says “8.” Who is right? Well, both of them are correct. The side of the paper facing Person A has a 5 and the side facing Person B has an 8. If you ask them to defend their position, they could really take a stand for what they “see.”

This is the cause of a lot of arguments and pain. From one person’s perspective, they may see something totally different than another based on their vantage point, past experience, eye sight or any number of other differences.

It happens in politics, sales, science, leadership, economics, relationships. Everywhere really.

My brothers and sisters of nuance and discernment understand this. Perspective is everything. If we can do our best to truly put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, maybe we’ll see that it is actually and 8 and a 5. And maybe when we call something purple, we’ll realize how primitive that would sound to the mantis shrimp.

Are we allowed to change our minds?

I used to have very strongly held beliefs about certain things. Religion, politics, past lives, free will, nutrition, mental health to name a few.

As part of my heart opening journey and expanding my emotional range, I’m seeing many more things in shades of gray and not so black and white. There’s a whole world of nuance.

After spending a few years in SF, I had very strong judgements towards people who would talk about their past lives. I have since to come to discover things that have changed my mind. A bit. I still don’t think it’s a thing, at least as some of these folks describe it, but I’m not absolutely certain anymore.

Because of our collective dwindling ability for public discourse and discernment, I’m not sure it’s safe for people to change their minds. If you have a certain political belief, it is frowned upon to agree with someone on the other side of the aisle. We have decided to be pro-polarization and anti-discernment.

We are so quick to cancel and completely cut people out of our lives. In doing so, we are reinforcing fixed identities. We don’t allow for people to grow and change because we are comfortable with who they are and how they think.

I’m guilty of this. As with most things I write about here, I’m speaking from my own personal experience and journey. I like for people to fit into nice, neat boxes in my mind of who they are and what they believe. If they change their mind, it messes up my tidy judgements. I’m working through it, and it’s a major shift for me. In doing so, I hope that I can become more comfortable with changing my own mind and allow others around me to feel safe to do the same.

Can I still listen to Kanye?

Kanye West represents a significant dilemma for me.

I’m a huge fan of his music. He has genius level talent at producing some bangers. And I appreciate genius in all shapes and sizes.

I’m also very intentional with the things I choose to support. When possible, I believe in intentional currency flow and conscious spending. I want to direct my money towards people and organizations that are building more of what I want to see in the world.

There’s a clear and direct conflict between this intentional currency flow and what Kanye has been saying and doing. Completely inexcusable and condemnable.

That’s pretty black and white. But. There’s still some nuance for me.

A friend recently asked me “Does your vision for a more beautiful world allow for and accommodate mental health issues?”

I was kinda stumped. To be completely honest. The obvious answer is of course it does. In a more beautiful world we are accepting and loving of all people and all situations. And yet here we are… faced with someone who has documented mental health issues and now says he “likes Hitler” while giving a platform for people to spread hate.

It’s obvious I don’t have a clear answer to my friend’s question. I’m choosing to continue to not listen to Kanye’s music even though a) I do miss it and b) I am anti-cancel culture. I do hope he is getting the help he needs and that we all get to enjoy more of his genius for years to come, but it seems we are heading in the opposite direction for now.

What is this trying to show me?

I’ve been hit by a few trucks over the last several years.

Every single time, I look back and think “how did I not see that damn thing coming?”

It’s a freaking truck. It’s huge. It’s loud. It doesn’t come out of nowhere. And I’m way more nimble than a truck. In theory.

And yet, I’ve gotten run over. Multiple times.

Not by an actual truck. Although once it did feel like that. I’m talking about a truck in the sense of the feather, brick and truck metaphor. A feather being a gentle nudge from the universe, a brick being something quite painful and a truck being a life altering, stop everything in its tracks type of event.

In an attempt to avoid any future truck smashings, I’m really trying to take notice of the feathers. It requires slowing down, a self-reflection practice, deep self-connection and self-awareness.

My favorite truck-avoidance question is to ask “what is this trying to show me?” When something feels off. When I notice something unusual. When I don’t like a particular outcome. When I’m feeling exhausted. When I make a sloppy mistake. Hmmmm… What is behind this? How did we get here? What am I not seeing?

With enough practice, I believe my new advanced feather detection capabilities can be powered up to create a full operational anti-brick defense system.