What do I do with this overwhelm?

I've been feeling the sadness, pain, frustration, loss and helplessness. Today especially.

At the macro level for the planet and humanity.

At the micro level for all those most directly affected.

We have to do better.

For our brothers and sisters. Mothers and fathers. Sons and daughters. For all the future generations.

We are failing at so many levels right now.

When I really allow myself to feel these feeling, it is quite overwhelming.

I do my best to turn that overwhelm into fuel.

Find the gift. Focus on what I can control. Support what I want more of in the world. And get back to work creating, improving, inspiring and building.

How do I respond?

Today is the day when most people's New Year's Resolutions kick in. Enjoy the holiday on the first. Start on the second.

And inevitably, there will be people who break their resolutions today or tomorrow or next week or next month. Whenever. Doesn't matter. It happens.

Some people say that resolutions are bullshit, and instead create goals for the year or a vision board or roadmap. Some people want to cultivate lifestyle changes. Call it what you want. For this conversation, let's just say that there's something that wants to be accomplished.

I know this goes against positive psychology and doesn't look pretty in fancy type on instagram, but it has served me well in the past:

Fail in advance.

Allow yourself to fail, even if it's only in your mind, so you can take a look at how you respond. That's where the juicy stuff is.

If and when you don't stick to your resolution every single day for 365 days, what do you do the next day? Do you give up? Oh well, nice try, maybe next year lol. Or do you get right back on the wagon? Or do you double down the next day to make up for it?

This comes from one of my favorite leadership lessons.

A leader has already thought about all possible outcomes in advance so that they aren't taken by surprise and can act accordingly. The best leaders are the ones who always seem in control no matter what chaos my arise, and a cheat code for this is to experience all of the feelings and emotions around each possible situation in advance. It's not easy or for the faint-hearted, but is a gamechanger.

There's also another nice bonus to failing in advance.

It gives you permission to not have to be perfect.

The need to be perfect adds a whole lot of pressure. Yes, some people actively seek that pressure and perform better that way, so if that's you, proceed as you were. For the rest of us, we've got enough other things happening in life that adding this desire to be perfect just complicates things further.

So what if you caved and ate a chocolate bar one night or you missed a day of meditation? Life doesn't end there. Know in advance what you'll do after this happens and you can respond accordingly.

Why did I stop messing with the dark side of the force?

I vividly remember the moment when I discovered that force was no longer the best answer for me.

I spent most of my career trying to force things that weren’t meant to be.

• I forced my way into becoming a financial advisor — didn’t last a year
• I forced a very bad startup idea into development — didn’t last a month
• I forced a partnership and some bad projects and hires — didn’t make it to Year 3
• I forced my way into TechStars — only lasted half of the program
• I forced myself into a vaguely defined leadership position — almost made it 2 years

Don't get me wrong. I accomplished a lot along the way, built some incredible things, and learned a lifetime worth of lessons. Forcing things served me well.

It was a bias towards action and execution, and it was what was called for at the time. Getting shit done. Taking risks. Forcing things into existence. Confidence that I could deal with anything that would come up.

One day, I realized that forcing things wasn’t the way for me anymore.

I know the exact moment. I was in a leadership immersion with some of my favorite entrepreneurs when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was contemplating some big moves for my company at the time when this scene came to mind.

“I was standing in front of a brick wall trying to figure out what to do next. I knew I had to get through the wall. This obstacle was in my way. As I had done so many times in the past, I geared up and was ready to punch and kick my way through this wall. Whatever it takes.

Just as I was about to force my way through the wall, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. There was a door. Twenty feet away. A glorious door that would simply open for me so I could gracefully walk through.”

That’s where I’m at today. No longer does it serve me to force my way through brick wall after brick wall.

Something very big has been coming through around what’s next.

There’s a part of me that wants to put on the karate uniform and force it. Roll up the sleeves, kick down the walls, whatever it takes. I know that’s not the answer. So I’m listening. I’m exploring. I’m remaining curious and open. I’m asking questions. I’m experimenting. I’m iterating. And I’ve never felt more aligned and excited for what’s on the horizon.

I won’t force things. I don’t have to. And that feels amazing.

Of course there will come times where walls will need to be torn down, and I’m forever grateful to have that skillset in my tool belt. For now though, it’s doors over walls.