What if who I hoped to be was always me?

It’s been a minute since I’ve published anything. 23 months to be precise. It feels like nothing has changed and everything has changed all at once.

My last post was titled “What happens in the middle of transformation?” Appropriate fucking title John. Collectively and individually we’re in the middle of the transition from the old story to the new. Two years later and I can finally start to answer this question for me individually. In the middle of transformation is a lot of beauty, magic, synchronicity, tragedy, shit sandwiches, heart break, and grief mixed in with some of the most challenging years of my life.

I’m really proud of how I showed up at certain times. I am also ashamed of others. I needed to get my ass kicked by the universe, to get humbled and to find whole new levels of surrender that I didn't even know existed. I’ve had a powerful vision inside of me for years and I’ve been too afraid to take a stand for it. I don’t even like typing that let alone the thought of publishing it, yet here we are.

This past weekend, I was in the middle of a solo meditation retreat to work on a few things, and I heard a song that I’ve heard many times before. But this time it hit different. This is the opening line:

“What if who I hoped to be was always me?”

I’ve been in the middle of this transformation for years, but what if I’m already who I’m trying to transform into? What if I am already the butterfly? What if who I hoped to one day be is already me right now in this exact moment? Yeah John, what if?

I still have a long way to go on this journey, a lot more to learn and even more to embody. A lot of questions and only a few more answers than I’ve previously had access to.

And.

I’m already exactly where I need to be. Exactly who I need to be. Doing exactly what I need to be doing. And that is enough.

What happens in the middle of transformation?

“There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly.”

One of my all-time favorite quote, a true gem from Buckminster Fuller and certainly one of the best ways I've heard to describe the process of transformation.

I've been immersed in the world of transformation for years: studying, witnessing, supporting, challenging and undergoing several of my own. All that is to say, I know a good transformation when I see one.

We are collectively in a very particular part of a transformation process known for its incredibly technical term: "the middle."

The beginning of a transformation starts with awareness.

The awareness tells us that old story is no longer acceptable.

The end of course is beautiful butterfly.

But. The new story is not yet here. No butteryfly.

From that place of awareness and rejection of the old, we enter "the middle" which is where we are today. We're not a caterpillar anymore. And we're not a butterfly yet. We're in the cocoon phase. It may look and feel like nothing is going on, but massive changes are happening.

This transformation is happening at the societal level. We are collectively rejecting the old stories. We have ideas and visions for what the new stories could look like. We want to be there. And yet we're not.

Interestingly and not surprisingly, I find myself in the middle (to end, hopefully?) of a personal transformation, and the company I just started working with also happens to be in the middle. Old story no longer serves. New story not yet here.

In a world of an ever increasing desire for instant gratification, it's critical to understand that there are no shortcuts in transformation. Trust me. I've tried. And failed. Many times.

We are in the middle. Trust that massive changes are happening. Be patient and loving with ourselves and those who haven't spent as much time in the cocoon. Continue to put in the work so that we can emerge anew as a beautiful butterfly.

Who are the best examples of identity transformation in cinematic history?

Yesterday, I wrote about an identity transformation that was happening for me personally.

Today, we're digging into the importance of identity transformations as seen through famous fictional characters. Buckle up.

The term "character development" is often used in Hollywood and the creative writing world. We fall in love with these characters for all of their strengths and weaknesses as they overcome obstacles. The best stories and characters require a major transformation in order to be able to complete their journey. The initial character that we met is fully unequipped for the challenges they face and must transform through the events of our story. And so are we.

This wonderful character development and transformation is present in almost all of our favorite characters whether we are consciously aware of it or not. Let's dig in:

• Tony Stark → Iron Man: Tony Stark undergoes a massive identity shift from playboy, billionaire, arms dealer to "earth's mightiest defender" ending both the original Iron Man movie and the entire MCU storyline with his famous "I am Iron Man" line. The verbal recognition of this identity transformation.
• Anakin Skywalker → Darth Vader → The Chosen One: An absolute epic transformation decades in the making. Darth Vader's transformation wasn't complete until he furnished a brand new suit of armor and had everything taken away from him — the physical representation of his transformation to Vader. We then witness the final transformation to The Chosen One as he restores balance to the force.
• Sansa Stark → Queen of the North: GRRM put Sansa into some of the most difficult and challenging situations throughout the series serving as the pressure to create the diamond that is Sansa Stark, Queen in the North. From where I sit, she was one of the only competent rulers throughout the entire series and was far more deserving of the throne than Bran.
• Death-eater Snape → Headmaster Severus Snape the Hero: "Snape’s personal transformation is one of the greatest in modern literature." That's an actual quote from a research paper titled: "An Analysis of the Heroic Transformation of Severus Snape." Yes, that's a real thing. And yes, I fully agree.
• Unworthy Thor → Worthy Thor → Grieving Thor → King Thor → Fat Thor → ?: Thor went through the most significant and constant identity shifts throughout the MCU transforming him from a boring, one dimensional character to a fan favorite. It's a masterpiece in development.
• Sarah Connor → Mother of the Resistance: Just your typical damsel in distress falling in love with her rescuer to a total badass, weapons expert who literally wrote the playbook for how to fight the machines.
• Bruce Banner → Hulk → Gladiator Hulk → Puny Banner → Smart Hulk: Maybe the least interesting of all the ones listed, but I like it because of the visual representations of the transformations. Bruce was in a constant conflict with Hulk until the Hulk figured out how to shut out banner completely. Then, after getting smacked around for the first time ever by Thanos, Hulk has a little PTSD and refuses to come out. Finally to be fully integrated by Smart Hulk (the least interesting version of them all sadly).
• Luke Skywalker → Jedi Knight → Jedi Grandmaster: Not nearly as epic as the Vader transformation, but still brilliant in its own regard, Luke goes from farmboy, to arrogant pilot and apprentice to eventually become one of the greatest Jedi in history. Of particular note, the identity shift from Luke at the end of Empire Strikes Back to the Jedi who walks into rescue Han from Jabba in full Jedi robes is a powerful visualization.
• Arya Stark → No one: From tomboy who wanted to play swords to delivering the deathblow to the most powerful enemy the Seven Kingdoms has seen in written history. Her storyline is a fun one to include because it shows the actual training required for her identity transformation to take place.
• Michael Corleone → The Godfather: it's no surprise that one of the most iconic identity transformations in the history of cinema comes from one of the most iconic movies of all time. From Italian war hero ashamed of his family's mafia roots to the most powerful mob boss of them all. And we actually get to witness the exact moment of this transformation. After an attempt on his father's life, Michael is sitting at the bedside of his father and fully embodies the identity shift when he says, "I'm with you now." The transition of power is complete. We have the new Godfather.

I could go on and on with this list, but I think we have driven the point home. Without the major shifts in identity, each of these characters would have failed miserably to overcome the obstacles in their path. Thanos wins (again). The Emperor reigns supreme. The White Walkers take over the Seven Kingdoms (probably a better ending). And Michael buries the Don and forever regrets his inability to protect his family.

We don't get the entire MCU and all of its greatness without the identity transformation of Tony Stark into Iron Man.

Without a shift in identity, there is little chance of fulfilling our own personal hero's journey. When we're doing it right, the obstacles on our path today are greater than our current capabilities — and that's a good thing. We require growth and transformation to achieve this next level of success.

We have the opportunity to create the identity that serves us best. And from that place, we then take small steps each and every day in alignment with that new identity until one long night we're magically flying through the air to deliver the final blow to an otherwise untouchable foe.