What replaces judgement?

Judgement used to be my personal bodyguard. I would make real-time judgements of everything and everyone as a way to make sense of the world. Who was a threat, who was an ally, who knew their shit and who was faking it.

Judgement was a skill that I had practiced all the time and gotten quite good at it. It helped me read the room, close sales, lead teams effectively, anticipate and generally operate in the world.

But.

I was delivered some harsh truths from some dear friends.

In a surprise to almost no one but me, these judgements were not well received by those closest to me and as a result caused people to never truly feel safe with me.

Huge eye opener for me. And one that I’m still working through to be honest. It was my default way of understanding everything and everyone, and it was holding me back.

Judgement served me well, but it is time for a serious upgrade. From the world of Ken Wilber and Integral theory, my goal with judgement is not to eliminate it or make it wrong, but rather to transcend and include it. How can I make room for that judgement but do so with love and compassion?

As I piece this all together in this moment of writing, there is no need to replace judgement. It can still have its place and its purpose. But when I use that as my default and only strategy for how to view the world and build relationships, it no longer works (and never really worked to be honest).

By allowing judgement to be there but not run the show, I need new strategies. I’ve started to look towards a combination of curiosity, inquiry, empathy, discernment, intuition, kindness and love. This is going to take time and I’m so incredibly grateful for those who are patient and supportive on me on this journey.