Why do I choose to make practice so difficult?

We're about to connect some really old threads that have been in my subconscious for decades. We're going down the rabbit hole on this one.

Why do I choose to practice in extreme conditions? Short answer: it's been programmed in me since childhood.

Childhood Practice Memory 1:

There's one season of the cartoon Dragon Ball Z, one of my favorite shows as a kid, where Goku has to travel far away and fight some aliens who are way more powerful than him. On his trip, he has a Gravity Machine that allows him to train in higher gravity levels than on earth. It breaks and goes up to 100x Earth's gravity. Goku goes from not being able to move to training in 100x gravity like he's walking on air which then allows him to put a whooping on the bad guys.

Childhood Practice Memory 2:

Over the holidays, we were teaching my 8 year old nephew how to bowl. I explained the way that my brother and I learned as kids. Our grandfather had taught us a certain step by step method and then made us repeat this process. Talk about training in a difficult environment. Our grandfather was a strict German man who not only owned the bowling alley but also was one of the best bowlers around, and he was watching our every move. I had to be younger than my nephew when we did this, and it stuck with me all these years.

Childhood Practice Memory 3:

I had just changed soccer teams. My old team won pretty much every game we played, won our league and won a few tournaments. My new team was not nearly as good. I was probably the best player on the team, and I wasn't all that great. At a practice midway through the season, my new teammates were goofing around, and my coach was laid back and laughing with the kids. I don't think our team had won a single game at that point, and I completely lost it. I yelled at my teammates, yelled at the coach, said some inappropriate words for a kid my age and then ran laps by myself for the rest of practice.

What do these 3 seemingly random memories about practice have in common?

These formed my own internal belief system about practice which only became apparent to me very recently.

Today, I choose to actively practice in situations way more difficult than anything I'll experience in real life, so that the real world operates in easy mode in comparison.

There's a few ways that this plays out for me. I never really made the connection as to why I did things this way until now, but it all makes sense from this new perspective.

In yoga, my favorite teacher is a woman in San Francisco who has the most notoriously difficult classes I've ever encountered. I didn't realize this when I showed up to her class the first time for what would be the third ever yoga class of my life. She warned us that it was going to be an advanced class and instead of rolling up my mat and leaving, I vowed to myself that I would not let this woman break me. Over 100 of her classes later, I have not given up in her class yet, and she has pushed me further than I ever could have imagined.

I do breathing exercises in the sauna and steam room with the extreme heat and humidity. I meditate in loud gyms and on the subway. I read books that are way above my comprehension level.

I don't get mad at myself when I struggle in these situations. It's practice. We're talking about practice. The opposite normally occurs. I'm grateful for failing in these situations, because I now know my current breaking point and have a new baseline to surpass next time.

It's important to keep in mind that this only applies to practice. Don't drink and drive so you're a better driver sober. Don't pick a fight with your boss or significant other just to improve your arguing skills. Common sense helps here people.

One of the keys to having a growth-focused mindset is to always be looking for opportunties to improve. An easy way to accomplish this is to see how you react when the switch gets ratcheted up 100x and you can't get up off the floor. It also shows incredible inner dialogue when you are in an unwinnable situation.

If we want to get exponentially better at the things that matter most to us, practice harder.

What changed?

Something feels incredibly different.

It felt like it hit me all at once yesterday, but I know it's something that has been gradually building for a long time.

It's hard to describe exactly what I'm feeling or what it all means, but something has definitely changed.

I guess I had secretly hoped for some monumental moment. Expectations for a blockbuster Hollywood-style reveal or lightbulb shining, epiphany experience have largely gone unfulfilled.

There was so much anticipation, and here we are. With no fanfare. No red carpets. No apocalyptic, paradigm shifting world event.

And yet to me, it feels like everything has changed.

I will write more about this as more clarity drops in, but in this moment I can only offer a totally cliche explanation that feels like: Now is the time!

What is a better measurement of wealth?

A former colleague is launching a new company called Better Than Rich. It is an extremely thought provoking name which I'm sure is part of the intention.

Money and wealth has always been an incredibly fascinating subject for me. Throughout my personal growth journey, I've had some radical perspective shifts about finances. Thinking about his new brand made me curious to see what my current worldview would reveal.

A very, very brief political aside: Andrew Yang has a policy called Human-Centered Capitalism which is about changing the measurement of financial success of a country from the Gross Domestic Product figure we currently look at to something that measures the quality of life for all of the humans in a country. Change what you measure and you change the result.

And so it is for me with wealth. What is a better way to measure wealth and financial success? If we stop trying to hit a certain number in our bank account, what should we aim for?

I don't know the answer, but one line of thinking that I currently enjoy involves the measurement of time.

Perhaps a real measure of wealth is our ability to take our time.

Maybe we measure our financial success in terms of how long we could not work and still maintain our current or desired lifestyle without any further income. There's also fun little micro-measurements of how much we value our time like taking shared Lyfts vs direct, how far our commute is, how much time we allow for vacation and personal care, how much sleep we get.

I could go on and on about this topic, but I think it will be better articulated in future Thoughts. The idea of measuring wealth in time instead of dollars is a topic I'll be exploring more internally as I put together my personal plan for 2020 and beyond and look forward to sharing.

If we want to implement real change and have massive impact, often times we have to change the game that is being played. Change the game, change the rules and change the scorecard. I'm ready for a better financial scorecard, and can't wait to see where this takes me.

Why did I stop messing with the dark side of the force?

I vividly remember the moment when I discovered that force was no longer the best answer for me.

I spent most of my career trying to force things that weren’t meant to be.

• I forced my way into becoming a financial advisor — didn’t last a year
• I forced a very bad startup idea into development — didn’t last a month
• I forced a partnership and some bad projects and hires — didn’t make it to Year 3
• I forced my way into TechStars — only lasted half of the program
• I forced myself into a vaguely defined leadership position — almost made it 2 years

Don't get me wrong. I accomplished a lot along the way, built some incredible things, and learned a lifetime worth of lessons. Forcing things served me well.

It was a bias towards action and execution, and it was what was called for at the time. Getting shit done. Taking risks. Forcing things into existence. Confidence that I could deal with anything that would come up.

One day, I realized that forcing things wasn’t the way for me anymore.

I know the exact moment. I was in a leadership immersion with some of my favorite entrepreneurs when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was contemplating some big moves for my company at the time when this scene came to mind.

“I was standing in front of a brick wall trying to figure out what to do next. I knew I had to get through the wall. This obstacle was in my way. As I had done so many times in the past, I geared up and was ready to punch and kick my way through this wall. Whatever it takes.

Just as I was about to force my way through the wall, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. There was a door. Twenty feet away. A glorious door that would simply open for me so I could gracefully walk through.”

That’s where I’m at today. No longer does it serve me to force my way through brick wall after brick wall.

Something very big has been coming through around what’s next.

There’s a part of me that wants to put on the karate uniform and force it. Roll up the sleeves, kick down the walls, whatever it takes. I know that’s not the answer. So I’m listening. I’m exploring. I’m remaining curious and open. I’m asking questions. I’m experimenting. I’m iterating. And I’ve never felt more aligned and excited for what’s on the horizon.

I won’t force things. I don’t have to. And that feels amazing.

Of course there will come times where walls will need to be torn down, and I’m forever grateful to have that skillset in my tool belt. For now though, it’s doors over walls.

Can I embrace the land beyond?

There’s a wonderful, yet lightly traveled path one step beyond our comfort zone.

And because it’s outside our comfort zone, we naturally head back to safety as expeditiously as we can.

Our goal then is to see if we can stay in the land one step beyond just a little bit longer.

That’s where the magic happens.

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I had a moment of clarity and flow this afternoon while sitting in the sauna.

With ideas flowing, I decided to stay a little longer than I normally would have.

After I got out of the sauna, I got a quick drink and went right back in. Round 2. Sweat burning my eyes. Hair an uncomfortably hot temperature. Heart pumping. And a brief moment of bliss.

While this afternoon was physically challenging, it doesn’t have to be. Stay in mediation 30 seconds longer than feels comfortable. Be with you emotions a little longer than you want before moving on or checking out. Practice a little more. Draw more. Write more. Create more. In the land just beyond our normal.

That little bit extra is not only building the muscle to make it more comfortable next time, it’s also where the biggest breakthroughs come from.