How do I control the things I can't control?
We humans have been hardwired to desire a perception of control since before there was recorded history. Studies show that control is not only essential for our well-being, but that in earlier times it was a biological imperative for our survival as a species.
So it's no wonder we want to control anything and everything.
And yet we can't.
We can't control the weather. We can't control the color of the sky. We can't control other people's feelings and experiences. In fact, there is actually very little in this world that we as an individual can control.
The simplified version of what we can control from my perspective is this:
- Mindset
- Focus
- Self Care
- How we show up
That's pretty much it.
All of those things within our control are internal, and yet we put some much effort into trying controlling the external world. We spin our wheels and exhaust ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually with virtually nothing to show for it. And it makes sense if we think about it from an evolutionary standpoint. Our ability to control was central to our survival, but now it's almost the opposite.
Today, our ability to let go of the need for control of our external environment is key to our health and happiness. What served our ancestors so well is the very thing that is holding us back today.
When I find myself trying to control the things I cannot control, I go through a simple exercise.
What's the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen? And what's the most likely thing that could happen? Once I identify these, I make them real in my mind so that I can feel and experience each of these possible paths. From there, I'm able to let go of my need to control the things I can't control. I have prepared myself for whatever will happen, so I can focus on the things I can control.
Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. I'm experiencing this all right now in real time with my father being in the hospital. And I keep coming back to this frame of control. I will control the things that are within my control, and I'll let the rest of it go.