How do I control the things I can't control?

We humans have been hardwired to desire a perception of control since before there was recorded history. Studies show that control is not only essential for our well-being, but that in earlier times it was a biological imperative for our survival as a species.

So it's no wonder we want to control anything and everything.

And yet we can't.

We can't control the weather. We can't control the color of the sky. We can't control other people's feelings and experiences. In fact, there is actually very little in this world that we as an individual can control.

The simplified version of what we can control from my perspective is this:

• Mindset
• Focus
• Self Care
• How we show up

That's pretty much it.

All of those things within our control are internal, and yet we put some much effort into trying controlling the external world. We spin our wheels and exhaust ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually with virtually nothing to show for it. And it makes sense if we think about it from an evolutionary standpoint. Our ability to control was central to our survival, but now it's almost the opposite.

Today, our ability to let go of the need for control of our external environment is key to our health and happiness. What served our ancestors so well is the very thing that is holding us back today.

When I find myself trying to control the things I cannot control, I go through a simple exercise.

What's the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen? And what's the most likely thing that could happen? Once I identify these, I make them real in my mind so that I can feel and experience each of these possible paths. From there, I'm able to let go of my need to control the things I can't control. I have prepared myself for whatever will happen, so I can focus on the things I can control.

Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. I'm experiencing this all right now in real time with my father being in the hospital. And I keep coming back to this frame of control. I will control the things that are within my control, and I'll let the rest of it go.

How can I have more impact?

We took a small group of top performing salespeople and entrepreneurs into the Tenderloin in San Francisco to give out food and supplies to homeless people. Most of these people were from out of town and had no idea what we were in for. None of us did really.

We arranged to have someone lead our group who works with the community to supervise and keep us safe. At the last second, our safety guide had cancelled on us. After some scramble, they said that they found someone to come out with us.

It’s hard to put words to what we all experienced that day. It was powerful on so many levels, and yet the biggest take away for me personally had nothing to do with serving the homeless.

The woman who came to our rescue had been on disability. She had been working and volunteering until they made her stop. When she heard about our story and what we were doing, she knew she had to answer the call. By the end of the day, she was crying, we were crying and we were all left with this feeling -- how can we do more.

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I listen to entrepreneurs and brands with these noble visions about how they are going to change the world and create massive social impact. I’m grateful for their commitment and dedication to improving the planet for all of us.

But… there’s a but.

If we want to have more impact, we have to take care of ourselves first.

I know this may seem counterintuitive or even selfish, so stay with me here. Our ability to give more is directly proportional to how well we are doing individually, to our own energy, to have our personal needs met.

This woman was on disability, and she wanted nothing more than to be out there doing more for the community. She had to focus on herself and her healing first though because she literally had nothing left to give. Such is the case with so many who put service ahead of their own needs.

Some of these companies and brands with these ambitious charitable goals are unfortunately going to have to learn this lesson the hard way. They have to create massive value and create a profitable, sustainable business first so that they can be around long enough to make the contribution and impact they envision.

I have so much love and respect for these companies with these bold, impact-driven mission statements just as I did for the woman who lead our group in the Tenderloin on that rainy Saturday afternoon.

If we want to have more impact, focus internally first and make sure our own house in order. And while that process may not be as fast or as easy as we'd like, it is absolutely necessary if we want our impact to ripple throughout the universe.