What is your current identity?

{I shared this Thought in my Newsletter this week, and it felt like it can be helpful to publish publicly}

"What is your current identity?"

If you read that question and you don’t have an answer, there is an opportunity to turn the unconscious to the conscious.

We all have an identity that has been formed since the day we were born. We don’t often think about it though because it is just who we are.

When you are presented with the opportunity for an adventure, are you the type of person who immediately says yes, immediately says no or wants to hear the details first? That is part of your identity.

What about if you’re presented with a business opportunity, a blind date, ideas that conflict with our worldview, or a massive challenge How we react to those situations is based on our identity.

Our identity forms the core of our essence, our structures, our behaviors, habits and our worldview. If we’re not intentional and conscious of our identity, we are letting life happen to us instead of for us.

P.S. For more on Identity, check out the entire series of the What, Who, How, Why, and When of Identity Transformations.

When do I know it's time for an identity transformation?

When it comes to identity transformations, timing is everything.

If you've been following along this week with the What, Who, How and Why of Identity Thoughts, you'll know that there is no forcing a shift in identity. That means that the timing is going to be uniquely different for each of us, but there's a few things that pop up on the radar to let us we're ready.

Before we get to when the timing is starting to get just right, there's an even more important list around timing. The NOT Ready list. If we're going to allow the new identity to drop in, we can't force it. This list has helped me slow down when I start to force things.

When is the timing NOT right for an identity transformation?

• When I feel like I'm at rock bottom
• When someone else wants me to change
• When my old identity still serves me or has more to teach me
• When I'm coming from a negative energy state or feeling depressed

We want to be intentional about the design of our new identity.

Our identity is at the very core of who we are. It greatly influences how we interact with the world, our beliefs, our actions and our essence. When done right, uncovering our new identity is part discovery, creation, aspiration and alignment. And in order to do that properly, it makes sense to check in with ourselves first to see if we're up to the task.

Here's the trickiest and most paradoxical part of timing. The people who are most in need of a transformation of identity are most often not actually ready for the change to happen.

As an example. Tony Robbins, a true master of producing identity transformations, is not able to force a transformation when someone isn't already willing and able at some level. He's able to help life long smokers quit in an instant, help people with massive trauma forgive and move forward, and help a lost 20-something John begin his journey of entrepreneurship. But. The people who Tony work with were ready for the shift in identity. They raised their hand to say, "Ok, this may be a little weird, but I'll try this Robbins guy and see what he's all about." Even if only the tiniest part of them was ready and even if it was at a subconscious level, the time was right. But even Tony, with all of his mastery and tools and techniques, can't change someone who doesn't want to change and who isn't ready.

And with that setup, we are now ready to dig into when it's actually time for a transformation of identity.

• When I feel like I'm being pulled by my vision or North Star to step up to a new level
• When there's a challenge, obstacle or problem that my current identity can't solve
• When my old identity is tired, played out, not longer fits, is too heavily influenced or designed by others, and/or it's compromised
• When I've accepted a current rock bottom and am ready for the ascent
• When the game changes

When it's time, it's time. You'll know it. And when it's not time, you'll know that too.

Trust yourself. This is your identity, and only you know know when it's time to change.

The identity shift I've been going through is over a year in the making. It was not easy. There were many false starts during that time where I had to tell myself, "Not yet." My trust in self was tested, but we got here. And it feels amazing. Now. That the time is right.

If you want help in thinking about your timing, reach out. I'm here for you. It lights me up to see people step into a new identity who's time has come, and the world certainly needs more of that these days.

Why is cultivating a new identity so critical to success?

This week, I wrote about my current identity transformation, my favorite fictional identity transformations, and how I go about finding a new identity.

Let's jump into why I'm spending an entire week writing about identity.

An inspiring, well fitting identity will be a force multiplier, a great reinforcer and make everything easier.

Every single one of us has formed our current identity based on some combination and culmination of events and experiences from our past. Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, our identity has been forming since birth. Our identity has shifted many times and will continue to shift for as long as we're alive.

In college, I had a much different identity than I do today, and if I tried to go back to that identity, my liver would waive the white flag. When I worked on Wall St, I believed I was on the path to becoming CEO of a major corporation. Those identities served me well and no longer fit so well, so I've moved on.

When it's built from an intentional place, identity can be a powerful tool in our tool belt. It can be aspirational and help pull us forward through challenging situations and tough times. It can be a beacon of light that inspires others. It can be a magnet that attracts people and resources to help you.

The magic of finding the perfect identity is that it becomes great reinforcer:

• A well fitting identity reinforces our North Star, and our North Star reinforces our identity.
• A well fitting identity reinforces our habits, and our habits reinforce our identity.
• A well fitting identity reinforces who we are, and who we are reinforces our identity.

And of course it works to our detriment in the opposite direction. Identities that don't serve us can reinforce bad habits and make us feel lost.

When our identity is working with us, life just becomes easier. Easier to achieve the things that are important to us. Easier to get into a flow state. Easier to make decisions. And easier to be in alignment with who we are here to be.

One of the best investments we can make with our time is to cultivate an identity that serves us well. The effects of this will ripple through all areas of our life and will pay itself back over and over again.

How do I find my new Identity?

This weeks Thoughts have been all about Identity with my new identity and my favorite identity shifts in fictional characters.

Today we continue the thread by digging into the process of how to go about uncovering our own shift in identity.

"I went on a walk deep into the woods to think about my new identity, and when answers come to me in nature, I just sort of roll with them."

I wrote that on Monday, but that is only a tiny part of the process of how this new identity dropped in. It's time to expand on that.

First things first. A new identity is not something that can be forced. Either I am ready for a new identity or I'm not. If I'm not, that means there's still something valuable in the old identity, or I'm just not ready to step into this new me. When I am ready, I know it. I go through this pattern of feeling stuck, feeling like I don't know the answers and can't figure them out, and feeling like something must change. That "something" starts with identity.

Once I know it's time for a new identity to drop in, because I've gone through all of the unpleasant stuckiness, I then start to become intentional about this new identity. A new identity is part discovery, part creation, part aspiration, part alignment.

Let's look at those parts separately:

• Discovery: If we knew the answers already, we would have acted on them. New challenges require new ways of thinking that weren't previously available to us. This is where long walks in nature help, mediation, self-reflection and whatever can be done to allow answers to flow from an unattached place.
• Creation: This is where we get to have fun. Our new identity should bring joy to us. If it doesn't, it's probably not the right identity and won't last long. We get to riff on the answers that came through during the discovery process and let our imagination run wild. The creation process allows us to be intentional in what we are stepping into.
• Aspiration: An identity is a "moving towards" object. Our identity should be something that we are required to grow into. To get "there" we must go on our own personal hero's journey and overcome the obstacles in our path. Through overcoming the challenges and things that made us feel stuck, we are presented with the opportunity to actually become our new identity. It is the rite of passage.
• Alignment: This last part is more of a sanity check. Does our new identity actually solve our stuckiness? Does this new identity actually make sense for us? Does this new identity feel in alignment with who I am, who I've been and who I'm here to become? Our identity should feel like a perfectly fitted item of clothing that was designed very specifically for us in this moment.

We want our identity to be perfectly hand-crafted to our individual situation. When our identity doesn't serve us, it can feel like we're constantly fighting an uphill battle.

Even if you are unclear about your identity at the conscious level, I assure you, we all have a very solid identity that we've been reinforcing all of our lives. If you don't like your current identity or if you are unaware of what your current identity it, it's time to get very intentional about it.

I've worked with many people who feel some level of uncertainty or a lack of clarity around their North Star or who they are. A starting place if there's some level of uncertainty is to adopt an identity of someone who is on their path to discovering their purpose and open to more clarity coming through.

This shift in identity has been taking place for me over many months, probably longer than a year. It doesn't always take that long, but sometimes it does. There's no forcing it. Believe me. I've tried. It is an "allowing" process.

When we allow the right identity to drop in, we are ready to move mountains.

Who are the best examples of identity transformation in cinematic history?

Yesterday, I wrote about an identity transformation that was happening for me personally.

Today, we're digging into the importance of identity transformations as seen through famous fictional characters. Buckle up.

The term "character development" is often used in Hollywood and the creative writing world. We fall in love with these characters for all of their strengths and weaknesses as they overcome obstacles. The best stories and characters require a major transformation in order to be able to complete their journey. The initial character that we met is fully unequipped for the challenges they face and must transform through the events of our story. And so are we.

This wonderful character development and transformation is present in almost all of our favorite characters whether we are consciously aware of it or not. Let's dig in:

• Tony Stark → Iron Man: Tony Stark undergoes a massive identity shift from playboy, billionaire, arms dealer to "earth's mightiest defender" ending both the original Iron Man movie and the entire MCU storyline with his famous "I am Iron Man" line. The verbal recognition of this identity transformation.
• Anakin Skywalker → Darth Vader → The Chosen One: An absolute epic transformation decades in the making. Darth Vader's transformation wasn't complete until he furnished a brand new suit of armor and had everything taken away from him — the physical representation of his transformation to Vader. We then witness the final transformation to The Chosen One as he restores balance to the force.
• Sansa Stark → Queen of the North: GRRM put Sansa into some of the most difficult and challenging situations throughout the series serving as the pressure to create the diamond that is Sansa Stark, Queen in the North. From where I sit, she was one of the only competent rulers throughout the entire series and was far more deserving of the throne than Bran.
• Death-eater Snape → Headmaster Severus Snape the Hero: "Snape’s personal transformation is one of the greatest in modern literature." That's an actual quote from a research paper titled: "An Analysis of the Heroic Transformation of Severus Snape." Yes, that's a real thing. And yes, I fully agree.
• Unworthy Thor → Worthy Thor → Grieving Thor → King Thor → Fat Thor → ?: Thor went through the most significant and constant identity shifts throughout the MCU transforming him from a boring, one dimensional character to a fan favorite. It's a masterpiece in development.
• Sarah Connor → Mother of the Resistance: Just your typical damsel in distress falling in love with her rescuer to a total badass, weapons expert who literally wrote the playbook for how to fight the machines.
• Bruce Banner → Hulk → Gladiator Hulk → Puny Banner → Smart Hulk: Maybe the least interesting of all the ones listed, but I like it because of the visual representations of the transformations. Bruce was in a constant conflict with Hulk until the Hulk figured out how to shut out banner completely. Then, after getting smacked around for the first time ever by Thanos, Hulk has a little PTSD and refuses to come out. Finally to be fully integrated by Smart Hulk (the least interesting version of them all sadly).
• Luke Skywalker → Jedi Knight → Jedi Grandmaster: Not nearly as epic as the Vader transformation, but still brilliant in its own regard, Luke goes from farmboy, to arrogant pilot and apprentice to eventually become one of the greatest Jedi in history. Of particular note, the identity shift from Luke at the end of Empire Strikes Back to the Jedi who walks into rescue Han from Jabba in full Jedi robes is a powerful visualization.
• Arya Stark → No one: From tomboy who wanted to play swords to delivering the deathblow to the most powerful enemy the Seven Kingdoms has seen in written history. Her storyline is a fun one to include because it shows the actual training required for her identity transformation to take place.
• Michael Corleone → The Godfather: it's no surprise that one of the most iconic identity transformations in the history of cinema comes from one of the most iconic movies of all time. From Italian war hero ashamed of his family's mafia roots to the most powerful mob boss of them all. And we actually get to witness the exact moment of this transformation. After an attempt on his father's life, Michael is sitting at the bedside of his father and fully embodies the identity shift when he says, "I'm with you now." The transition of power is complete. We have the new Godfather.

I could go on and on with this list, but I think we have driven the point home. Without the major shifts in identity, each of these characters would have failed miserably to overcome the obstacles in their path. Thanos wins (again). The Emperor reigns supreme. The White Walkers take over the Seven Kingdoms (probably a better ending). And Michael buries the Don and forever regrets his inability to protect his family.

We don't get the entire MCU and all of its greatness without the identity transformation of Tony Stark into Iron Man.

Without a shift in identity, there is little chance of fulfilling our own personal hero's journey. When we're doing it right, the obstacles on our path today are greater than our current capabilities — and that's a good thing. We require growth and transformation to achieve this next level of success.

We have the opportunity to create the identity that serves us best. And from that place, we then take small steps each and every day in alignment with that new identity until one long night we're magically flying through the air to deliver the final blow to an otherwise untouchable foe.