What is my relationship to time?

The combination of the new year and recently turning 40 has guided my mind to wander to many fascinating places.

Leaving aside the philosophical debates about time being a fundamental aspect of the universe vs. a human construct without an objective reality, I’ve been most curious with my personal relationship and beliefs around time.

In the past, I have blamed “time” for things that did not live up to my expectations instead of taking responsibility for my actions. All of these have been there for me at some point:

• “There wasn’t enough time to get it all done”

• “I need more hours in the day”

• “I wish we had more time together”

• “Time is working against me”

Every one of those statements was me being a victim of time. While time may be a constraint or a consideration, it was never the root cause. Perhaps prioritization, planning, executing, motivation, organization, or procrastination, but not the fault of time. Time just does its thing and is (relatively, probably) constant for all of us.

My intention is to hold time as precious and sacred, and if I really go deep, as the most beautiful aspect of the human existence. Not a scapegoat for my shortcomings.

I have all the time I need. I am a master allocator of my time. And I choose moment to moment how to best utilize the time that I have.

When do I know it's time for an identity transformation?

When it comes to identity transformations, timing is everything.

If you've been following along this week with the What, Who, How and Why of Identity Thoughts, you'll know that there is no forcing a shift in identity. That means that the timing is going to be uniquely different for each of us, but there's a few things that pop up on the radar to let us we're ready.

Before we get to when the timing is starting to get just right, there's an even more important list around timing. The NOT Ready list. If we're going to allow the new identity to drop in, we can't force it. This list has helped me slow down when I start to force things.

When is the timing NOT right for an identity transformation?

• When I feel like I'm at rock bottom
• When someone else wants me to change
• When my old identity still serves me or has more to teach me
• When I'm coming from a negative energy state or feeling depressed

We want to be intentional about the design of our new identity.

Our identity is at the very core of who we are. It greatly influences how we interact with the world, our beliefs, our actions and our essence. When done right, uncovering our new identity is part discovery, creation, aspiration and alignment. And in order to do that properly, it makes sense to check in with ourselves first to see if we're up to the task.

Here's the trickiest and most paradoxical part of timing. The people who are most in need of a transformation of identity are most often not actually ready for the change to happen.

As an example. Tony Robbins, a true master of producing identity transformations, is not able to force a transformation when someone isn't already willing and able at some level. He's able to help life long smokers quit in an instant, help people with massive trauma forgive and move forward, and help a lost 20-something John begin his journey of entrepreneurship. But. The people who Tony work with were ready for the shift in identity. They raised their hand to say, "Ok, this may be a little weird, but I'll try this Robbins guy and see what he's all about." Even if only the tiniest part of them was ready and even if it was at a subconscious level, the time was right. But even Tony, with all of his mastery and tools and techniques, can't change someone who doesn't want to change and who isn't ready.

And with that setup, we are now ready to dig into when it's actually time for a transformation of identity.

• When I feel like I'm being pulled by my vision or North Star to step up to a new level
• When there's a challenge, obstacle or problem that my current identity can't solve
• When my old identity is tired, played out, not longer fits, is too heavily influenced or designed by others, and/or it's compromised
• When I've accepted a current rock bottom and am ready for the ascent
• When the game changes

When it's time, it's time. You'll know it. And when it's not time, you'll know that too.

Trust yourself. This is your identity, and only you know know when it's time to change.

The identity shift I've been going through is over a year in the making. It was not easy. There were many false starts during that time where I had to tell myself, "Not yet." My trust in self was tested, but we got here. And it feels amazing. Now. That the time is right.

If you want help in thinking about your timing, reach out. I'm here for you. It lights me up to see people step into a new identity who's time has come, and the world certainly needs more of that these days.

What is a better measurement of wealth?

A former colleague is launching a new company called Better Than Rich. It is an extremely thought provoking name which I'm sure is part of the intention.

Money and wealth has always been an incredibly fascinating subject for me. Throughout my personal growth journey, I've had some radical perspective shifts about finances. Thinking about his new brand made me curious to see what my current worldview would reveal.

A very, very brief political aside: Andrew Yang has a policy called Human-Centered Capitalism which is about changing the measurement of financial success of a country from the Gross Domestic Product figure we currently look at to something that measures the quality of life for all of the humans in a country. Change what you measure and you change the result.

And so it is for me with wealth. What is a better way to measure wealth and financial success? If we stop trying to hit a certain number in our bank account, what should we aim for?

I don't know the answer, but one line of thinking that I currently enjoy involves the measurement of time.

Perhaps a real measure of wealth is our ability to take our time.

Maybe we measure our financial success in terms of how long we could not work and still maintain our current or desired lifestyle without any further income. There's also fun little micro-measurements of how much we value our time like taking shared Lyfts vs direct, how far our commute is, how much time we allow for vacation and personal care, how much sleep we get.

I could go on and on about this topic, but I think it will be better articulated in future Thoughts. The idea of measuring wealth in time instead of dollars is a topic I'll be exploring more internally as I put together my personal plan for 2020 and beyond and look forward to sharing.

If we want to implement real change and have massive impact, often times we have to change the game that is being played. Change the game, change the rules and change the scorecard. I'm ready for a better financial scorecard, and can't wait to see where this takes me.

But for real, what should I do?

Yesterday, I wrote my shortest post yet (with moderate levels of snark).

If we accept that we must not do our shoulds, how can we best spend that "should" time instead?

Pick a hobby that brings you a lot of joy. Or spend time cultivating a new hobby.

I found this amazing study about Nobel Prize winning scientists. Here's what it found:

"Studies have found that Nobel Prize-winning scientists are about 25 times more likely to sing, dance or act than the average scientist.

They are 17 times more likely to create visual art.

They are 12 times more likely to write poetry.

They are 4 times more likely to be a musician."

There are many theories why the creative arts allow us to be more successful at whatever it is we are doing. My favorite is the cross pollination theory which says that the ideas in one field can lead to inspiration and innovations in other areas.

When we are hyper diligent about our time and eliminate the shoulds, we have the opportunity to do more of things that bring us joy. And as a wonderful bonus, it actually makes us better at everything else.

What should I do?

Nothing.

Do nothing.

Life is too short for shoulds.

Time is way more valuable than a should.

Check in tomorrow if it becomes a must or a want.

If it never moves past a should, refuse to take the bait.